posted by Mike Madison at 9:44 AM /
A friend of mine, who used to live in the City of Pittsburgh, bought a house in Mt. Lebanon a couple of years ago. Now he's selling and moving back. Why? It's not the taxes, and it's not the suburban isolation, and it's not the cultural bubble that Mt. Lebanon inhabits. He's leaving because he couldn't connect with the neighbors. Mt. Lebanon is unfriendly.
Huh? That's my first reaction. But I'll add a few facts: He moved to Mt. Lebanon in anticipation of starting a family. That didn't go as planned, so he's been a single man living in a detached house. And it doesn't surprise me at all that he hasn't connected with the neighborhood or the town. Hidden Mt. Lebanon lesson number one: For all of Lebo's vaunted neighborliness, 90 percent of residents' social and community connections come via networks based on family and children. Don't have family here? Don't have children? Then you'll struggle to meet people and get connected. You may even conclude that Mt. Lebanon is unfriendly. (The 90 percent is a made-up number that stands in for "an overwhelming amount.") This is all eminently logical; the vast majority of Lebonians move here and stay here for the schools.
Even among those with kids, there is a soft (that is, permeable) barrier between insiders and outsiders. Many Lebonians grew up in Lebo and still have older generations of family in town -- making Mt. Lebanon much like the rest of Allegheny County -- so these folks have well-established social networks. Newcomers aren't unwelcome generally, but they may not be embraced. The insiders don't need to add to their networks. My friend says that no one invited him over for a visit. None of his neighbors showed up with cookies -- or even a six-pack. That's consistent with our experience: Our first friends in Mt. Lebanon were other families that moved in to the neighborhood during that same summer that we arrived. Gradually, we met many more, mostly through our kids. Over time, outsiders often become insiders.
What about the other 10 percent or so, folks in Mt. Lebanon who can't network via existing family connections, or through their kids?
One answer: Dogs. We got a dog a few years ago, and walking the dog regularly opened up a whole new window on the Mt. Lebanon world. No kids? Get a dog.
Answer two: Religious congregations play a huge role here for many people. The first question I was asked years ago by the mom of a kid on my daughter's first Lebo Cup soccer team was: So, what church did you join? This was two months after we moved to town! Religion and family overlap to a huge degree, however; here I'm pointing to congregational affiliation for people who have no other family networks locally. No kids and no dog? Find a congregation (or, no kids and no dog? -- get a congregation. Or hang out in the Public Library.)
Final answer: And then, finally, there are the young adults, like those affiliated with the Young Mt. Lebo crew, who are trying to manufacture a social scene for Generation Y in Mt. Lebanon. I wish them well and hope that their summer street party/fundraiser is a success, but they have a steep hill to climb. If they have families and congregations and dogs, the group has a future. If they have none of those things (no kids? no dogs? no congregation?), they may find themselves joining the migration back to the City.
Next, Chapter Two: Living with fear.
[Update 7/4/07: The protagonist of the anecdote that I used to begin this post weighs in with some surprising thoughts.
Huh? That's my first reaction. But I'll add a few facts: He moved to Mt. Lebanon in anticipation of starting a family. That didn't go as planned, so he's been a single man living in a detached house. And it doesn't surprise me at all that he hasn't connected with the neighborhood or the town. Hidden Mt. Lebanon lesson number one: For all of Lebo's vaunted neighborliness, 90 percent of residents' social and community connections come via networks based on family and children. Don't have family here? Don't have children? Then you'll struggle to meet people and get connected. You may even conclude that Mt. Lebanon is unfriendly. (The 90 percent is a made-up number that stands in for "an overwhelming amount.") This is all eminently logical; the vast majority of Lebonians move here and stay here for the schools.
Even among those with kids, there is a soft (that is, permeable) barrier between insiders and outsiders. Many Lebonians grew up in Lebo and still have older generations of family in town -- making Mt. Lebanon much like the rest of Allegheny County -- so these folks have well-established social networks. Newcomers aren't unwelcome generally, but they may not be embraced. The insiders don't need to add to their networks. My friend says that no one invited him over for a visit. None of his neighbors showed up with cookies -- or even a six-pack. That's consistent with our experience: Our first friends in Mt. Lebanon were other families that moved in to the neighborhood during that same summer that we arrived. Gradually, we met many more, mostly through our kids. Over time, outsiders often become insiders.
What about the other 10 percent or so, folks in Mt. Lebanon who can't network via existing family connections, or through their kids?
One answer: Dogs. We got a dog a few years ago, and walking the dog regularly opened up a whole new window on the Mt. Lebanon world. No kids? Get a dog.
Answer two: Religious congregations play a huge role here for many people. The first question I was asked years ago by the mom of a kid on my daughter's first Lebo Cup soccer team was: So, what church did you join? This was two months after we moved to town! Religion and family overlap to a huge degree, however; here I'm pointing to congregational affiliation for people who have no other family networks locally. No kids and no dog? Find a congregation (or, no kids and no dog? -- get a congregation. Or hang out in the Public Library.)
Final answer: And then, finally, there are the young adults, like those affiliated with the Young Mt. Lebo crew, who are trying to manufacture a social scene for Generation Y in Mt. Lebanon. I wish them well and hope that their summer street party/fundraiser is a success, but they have a steep hill to climb. If they have families and congregations and dogs, the group has a future. If they have none of those things (no kids? no dogs? no congregation?), they may find themselves joining the migration back to the City.
Next, Chapter Two: Living with fear.
[Update 7/4/07: The protagonist of the anecdote that I used to begin this post weighs in with some surprising thoughts.
Labels: hidden Mt. Lebanon
19 Comments:
I have lived many places (not from here), and I love Mt. Lebanon. It has been relatively easy to build friendships here, with CHILDREN being the social lubricant that instigates connections.
But yeah, I think it would be relatively insufferable to live here without children. There are significantly more interesting neighborhoods in town - places I would not choose to raise my children in. Oh, the things I used to tolerate in the city. I know many parents here who speak fondly of there lives in NYC, San Fran, etc. before children.
The demographic is what it is, and it happens to be a very positive one for children, and so we have a self-fulfilling cycle here - with lots of families with children.
Your comments concerning getting connected in Mt. Lebanon holds true for any move to a new community. I am now looking at the other end of the situation however. We have lived here so long that I have watched almost every house on my street change hands since we moved in 28 years ago. It is still true that children and dogs seem to be the catalyst for new relationships. Our dog died and the kids grew up. However, I cannot think of anyplace else where we would rather live. My business is such that I could live anyplace in the world. I have no business acivity in Pennsylvania, much less in the Pittsburgh area. I have seen the gated communities in different areas of the U.S. and experienced the high level of security of many high rise buildings. I have had visitors from all over the world, stand in my back yard, while I was cooking a steak, and marvel at the fact that we did not have a fence topped with razor wire around our yard, nor bars on our windows. These are normal in much of the world, even in the United States. Mt. Lebanon is a unique community. This forum seems to be overwhelmed by people constantly whining about their high taxes, yet they do not seem to compare what they get for their money to anyplace else. We have one of the most highly educated and arguably one of the finest police forces in America (don't think so? Move to Pittsburgh!) The geographic layout of the town is something urban planners would give anything to be able to create. Our fire department is one of the highest rated in the nation, while remaining essentialy a volunteer department. And last, but certainly not least, our school system has been consistently rated among the top in the nation for many, many years. All of these things are what make a town what it is. The educational system not only creates an educated populace, but also reflects the values and standards expected from the community. The school board members, volunteers all, are dedicated people who spend literally hundreds of hours per year on behalf of all of us, but most importantly, on behalf of the children. My favorite board member, when recently asked to make a political comment on behalf of her constituents, said, "my constituents don't vote. My constituents are the children of Mt. Lebanon". The property tax I pay is roughly three times what we paid 28 years ago. Has the value of my house gone up commensuratly? Of course! We have three children who graduated from Mt. Lebanon High School. All three are people we are very proud of, and much of their success is a direct result of what they took from Mt. Lebanon. We now have three grand-children attending school in Mt. Lebanon and I fully expect that will take their lessons to heart and give back to their communities in the future, in the same way their parents do now. I was sorry to hear about your friend without a dog, without a church, who felt friendless. Perhaps he might consider moving back after he gets a dog.
I just moved here in the past 2 years. I met most of the people I know because their kids were the same age as mine.
I have no clue why a single person would want to move to Mt. Lebanon..Maybe rent, but not buy a house (unless you were going to fix it up or something).
I'm not saying singles are not welcome. I'm just saying that Mt. Lebanon is known for its good schools and nosey parents interested in those good schools. It really isn't known for a place to go get Sushie and Appletinis.
Jim's point about this being true of any new community is just about the only one of his that I disagree with. I have lived in a bunch of different places, on each coast and in the true middle of the country, larger places and smaller, and they run the gamut in terms of openness to newcomers. In our Boston suburb, the neighbors were practically taciturn; even with kids, building networks wasn't easy. In Middle Western towns both larger and smaller than Lebo, neighbors practically fell over themselves with food to welcome the new -- with or without children and/or dogs. And in California, just about everyone is new in some way anyway, so while no one showed up with food, everyone was perfectly delighted to incorporate us into existing networks -- again, kids and dogs or neither. So, I do think that the kids-and-dogs effect in Lebo, and perhaps elsewhere in Pittsburgh, is more pronounced than it is in a lot of communities.
In many, many ways, as Jim and other commenters note, that's a good thing. But it's important to note the tradeoffs.
YMMV.
It's funny you should mention the dog thing, because this has been in the back of my mind for a while...
Having a dog is a good way to meet people, but where do you do it around here? I suppose you could meet on the sidewalk and commiserate about the paltry facilities for dogs around here.
I've found the South Hills, and Pittsburgh in general, surprisingly dog-unfriendly. Are there any parks in Lebo or Dormont that allow dogs at all, even on-leash? Is there anywhere closer or larger than the area in South Park to let the dogs run off-leash? Seriously, that's all we get?
I've only owned a dog in Austin and Pittsburgh, so I don't know if Pittsburgh is unusually dog-unfriendly, or Austin is unusually dog-friendly, but down there had our choice of several very nice off-leash parks (not "dog-runs", whole parks!), and every park allows dogs on-leash.
Given the large number of dog owners up here, I'm surprised that we so little support from local government. Maybe it's time to band together and start a pro-dog lobby?
JP,
I've been saving an email complaining about the rubbish left behind at the Bird Park soccer field by players and their families; maybe if dog owners who use that space promised to keep it litter free, the municipality would bless a dog run down there.
But if you think School Board meetings are sometimes bitter and unpleasant, wait until you wander into dog run politics.
Yeah yeah...
My only comment right now is that anti-dog-run arguments about ill-behaved dogs are a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course the dogs are ill-behaved! There's hardly anywhere for them to get decent exercise or to be properly socialized off-leash. [Maybe when I end my self-imposed blogging hiatus I'll take this up on my own blog.]
Jim -- Just a minor correction to your posting. Our fire department is a combination department -- meaning that we have both career and volunteer firefighters serving to protect our people and property. There are 17 paid firefighters and over 45 volunteers.
Thanks for the comments about the police and fire departments in general. It is greatly appreciated.
I could be a case study on this. I recently moved back to Mt. Lebanon after about 9 years in the City. I'm single, but also a mom ("by choice" which puts my family out of the "norm") and a dog owner too.
My new neighborhood has been welcoming. Not to make your friend feel any worse than he does but I DID get cookies!!! and introductions. If there have been no formal intro's other neighbors have said hello. By contrast, the city "welcome wagon" consisted of a crabby nebby lady who stood on her front porch, arms crossed, watching me unload my stuff and without a "hello" or an introduction queried gruffly "you moving in?" "yes" "well let me tell you the rules of parking on the street don't do this and don't do that" Thanks for the warm welcome. NO cookies in the City. In my city neighborhood very few friendships beyond mere acquaintences formed. The only one that did was kid based and they were next door neighbors.
When I moved back to Mt. Lebanon, I did feel an urge to state my "pedigree" "Well, I'm moving from the City but I'm not *really* from the City, I grew up here, I went to this elementary and graduated from Mt. Lebanon blah blah blah" all the while telling myself to "shut up, you sound like a jerk" (Despite that my neighbors still say hi to me so not only are they friendly but forgiving.)
I don't think things that either separate or bring people together are a Mt. Lebanon thing. People become friends with people who have similar circumstances...stay at home moms and moms who aren't are an example. (That question has been asked of me since moving here...was I a stay at home mom which I'm not). Not sure how the single mom angle will go over but not concerned about it either.
Even if I was not a mom I would have moved back to Mt. Lebanon because single, married, with or without kids it is in my biased opinion one of the greatest communities...resource wise, public safety wise, and oh the green and silence. At night, silence and stars. During the day the green lawns and abundance of trees are literally a visual calmer. You take for granted these aspects of a place like Mt. Lebanon until you've lived in an area where the green is overtaken by bumper to bumper on-street parking, litter everywhere, blight, and no one to control things like collapsing walls and dilapidated garages. Mt. Lebanon is truly unique and the positive aspects are not to be taken for granted.
Now the dog of the family does feel a bit discriminated against I must say with the big "No dogs allowed" sign at the park. Banned for life from attending any concerts in the park with the family...but she will just have to learn to cope.
I moved to MtL a long time ago, as a single, got married, and stayed. I love being able to walk to a lot of places, and I like the good municipal services. But when I want to meet people, I don't do it here. I hop in the car on the weekends and drive elsewhere where a child or a dog isn't a requirement for conversation. It ends up being a nice compromise for me - clean streets, safe neighborhoods here, places to spend my money and meet people elsewhere.
CM
Please, all of you "dog" people, simply extend us without dogs (but with nice yards) the courtesy of cleaning up your dogs' waste. It's to the point where Mt. Lebanon is going to need to put up signs akin to what they have in New York City explaining how harmful dog poop can be to both humans and the environment.
Dear dog friends,
Don't for a minute use this post as an opportunity to defend your poop-scooping habits or to blame non-Lebonians who exercise their dogs in Lebo parks or to criticize un-neighborly non-dog-owning homeowners. Pick up after your pets!
Mike
Lebonians? Did you just make that up Mike? Sounds like those guys from Dilbert! :)
"Lebonian"? That's a good one. I never really thought of it but I like "Lebonite" better....
Yep -- I deliberately made up "Lebonian" because of its Dilbert-ish association. Use it or substitute something better!
Seriously, I can't be the only person using Mt. Lebanese to refer to y'all...much to my wife and Jefferson's chagrin...
My husband and I are looking into moving to Mt. Lebanon. We have three young sons, so I guess we meet that "requirement." We don't have a dog.
I am actually looking into opening my own children's bookstore in Mt. Lebanon, though I'm still doing research to find out whether this is a good area for this type of business. My heart says yes. I'm originally from the Beaver Falls area. We now live in Indianapolis.
My research is proving a few things:
* Mt. Lebo residents are highly educated
* Mt. Lebo residents are, on average, about 40 years old with at least one child or one on the way
* Mt. Lebo residents make more money than the average person in Pennsylvania
* The school system rocks
* The library is amazing and EVERYONE uses it
I'm hoping the fact that EVERYONE uses the library means EVERYONE LOVES BOOKS. I'm extremely interested in getting books into the hands of ALL children, and I think this area is ripe for this type of store.
Any thoughts from those of you who actually LIVE there?
Email me!
Kaseyjackson@mybarefootbooks.com
Thanks for reading!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Much to my amusement, I have learned from Mike that I am the protagonist of "Hidden Mt. Lebanon, Chapter One." Hence, I'd like to update the story, as well as offer a few clarifications and thoughts. (And, since it has been a while since the original post, Mike might consider a new post alerting readers to my comment, though of course that's entirely up to him.)
By way of an update, I did not end up leaving Mt. Lebanon--at least not yet. I put my house on the market in April, but a month later, I took it off. One month is about how long it took me to fully realize it would be all but impossible to find a house in the parts of Pittsburgh where I was looking that would be comparable in quality and size to, but less expensive than, my 3-bedroom Mt. Lebo house. (There were some financial factors at play here, though not compellingly urgent ones.) Point Breeze, Squirrel Hill, Regent Square, Shadyside--all of them disappointed me in this respect, and in other respects as well. There were additional factors--positive things about Mt. Lebo and about my house--that persuaded me to stay, but may or may not persuade me to stay long term. These include the convenient location for commuting (I'm in the northern corner of Mt. Lebo), and the sense of privacy I get from not living in the part of town where the majority of my work colleagues and students live. Next spring I will re-assess things and decide whether to stay or expand the places where I'm looking, or perhaps explore renting.
I do want to clarify my views on the friendliness of Mt. Lebonites, or more specifically, my neighbors. I have met most of my neighbors, mainly because I frequently take walks. Periodically I walk with either of two neighbors, one of whom is also single. Nobody has been unfriendly to me; in fact just the opposite. But almost all the friendliness is passive, i.e., it occurs in response to my taking the initiative, and then, with only a few exceptions, those friendly interactions are somewhat superficial or perfunctory. The interesting phenomenon that occurred when I put my house on the market is several of my neighbors suddenly did take the initiative--to express regret for their not having gotten to know me. I comment on this phenomenon and on the generally standoffish behavior of my neighbors on my own blog at http://benjd-suigeneris.blogspot.com/2007/05/now-that-youre-leaving.html .
Finding myself unexpectedly single, and the resulting lack of commonality with most of my neighbors, are not the only reasons I decided I wanted to move. I am developing a general distaste for homeownership and its obligations, but perhaps those are just growing pains. I am seriously considering getting a dog, and I think Mike's and the others' comments on dogs as a means for connecting with neighbors and meeting people are on target. However, I think the comments about joining a religious congregation are off target. If you think Mt. Lebanon in general is largely a family-oriented community, take a look at religious congregations in Mt. Lebanon (in my case, synagogues). They are even more so. That's not to say that marital and family status are the necessary commonalities to get something out of joining a religious congregation, but if the motivation is largely social and not spiritual, then those are the key commonalities, I think.
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